I tried to warn her but she didn’t listen. Now we are sitting at the police station recounting the sorry tale to a disinterested cop who is smirking and clearly thinks she was asking for it.
Three hours earlier we were getting ready for a night on the South American town where I had lived for 2 years. It was her first time in the country, it was summer, a Friday night and we just had to go out and sample the night life. Two “Gringas”, in our mid thirties, happy, confident and complimenting each other on how good we looked.
We had dinner first and then on to a bar. It was still early in the evening and so there were very few other customers. My companion made eye contact with two local guys across the room and winked at them. That was the only invitation they needed and a few seconds later they were at our side. I wasn´t interested and I quickly found out that my companion didn’t like them either but simply wanted to mess with them, get them to pay the bar tab and then we would leave.
“That’s not how it is here” I told her. “Don’t let them pay for the drinks, don’t let them think you are even remotely interested in sleeping with them” .
“Brush them off now I urged”.
She didn’t listen she was already half way to the dance floor with a warmed up macho man in tow. I blew the other guy out, made it clear I had no interest and then could only watch as my companion fired her man up even more with seductive dancing followed by hot passionate kissing.
Another drink, then another, then macho man decided it was time to take the lady home. As he was paying the tab she grabbed my arm saying “let’s get out of here”.
“Hey” macho man shouted, “come back!”.
She made a run for it but he grabbed her roughly. He had paid her bar tab and now he wanted what was due, he was expecting to have her company for the rest of the night. The scene turned ugly. Violent struggling, shouting, screaming and a flurry of obscenities followed. He didn’t hit her but he did make marks and bruises on her face and bare arms, he grabbed her breasts and called her a whore.
Somehow we broke away and ran into a cab. I flinched when I heard her demand the driver take us to the nearest police station. Through broken Spanish and angry tears she explained to the on duty officer what had happened. The cop had no idea why she was there, or what exactly she was complaining about.
She tried to explain to the police officer that in the U.S. that even if a man pays for drinks or dinner there was no foregone conclusion that his date was going to go home and have sex with him. This was a game she safely played every Friday night in her home town. See what you can get out of a guy then leave him hanging, it was fun, a sport. She was, what guys call, a prick tease. In the States a guy knows that if he pursues the “come on gone cold” and persists, he is likely to be arrested for sexual assault and then his life is pretty much over.
The rules are different here. You don’t play that game. You can’t give a guy a green light and then turn it to red and expect to get away lightly. Latino men will not take that kind of humiliation, they will try and collect their dues. The police will take an unprovoked sexual attack on a woman seriously but if she led him on, gave him the go and then called a halt it is likely she will be told to get out and stop wasting their time.
This time it stopped short of rape, others may not be so lucky and if that is the end result of playing the dangerous game then the victim should not expect a sympathetic response from the police.
Three hours earlier we were getting ready for a night on the South American town where I had lived for 2 years. It was her first time in the country, it was summer, a Friday night and we just had to go out and sample the night life. Two “Gringas”, in our mid thirties, happy, confident and complimenting each other on how good we looked.
We had dinner first and then on to a bar. It was still early in the evening and so there were very few other customers. My companion made eye contact with two local guys across the room and winked at them. That was the only invitation they needed and a few seconds later they were at our side. I wasn´t interested and I quickly found out that my companion didn’t like them either but simply wanted to mess with them, get them to pay the bar tab and then we would leave.
“That’s not how it is here” I told her. “Don’t let them pay for the drinks, don’t let them think you are even remotely interested in sleeping with them” .
“Brush them off now I urged”.
She didn’t listen she was already half way to the dance floor with a warmed up macho man in tow. I blew the other guy out, made it clear I had no interest and then could only watch as my companion fired her man up even more with seductive dancing followed by hot passionate kissing.
Another drink, then another, then macho man decided it was time to take the lady home. As he was paying the tab she grabbed my arm saying “let’s get out of here”.
“Hey” macho man shouted, “come back!”.
She made a run for it but he grabbed her roughly. He had paid her bar tab and now he wanted what was due, he was expecting to have her company for the rest of the night. The scene turned ugly. Violent struggling, shouting, screaming and a flurry of obscenities followed. He didn’t hit her but he did make marks and bruises on her face and bare arms, he grabbed her breasts and called her a whore.
Somehow we broke away and ran into a cab. I flinched when I heard her demand the driver take us to the nearest police station. Through broken Spanish and angry tears she explained to the on duty officer what had happened. The cop had no idea why she was there, or what exactly she was complaining about.
She tried to explain to the police officer that in the U.S. that even if a man pays for drinks or dinner there was no foregone conclusion that his date was going to go home and have sex with him. This was a game she safely played every Friday night in her home town. See what you can get out of a guy then leave him hanging, it was fun, a sport. She was, what guys call, a prick tease. In the States a guy knows that if he pursues the “come on gone cold” and persists, he is likely to be arrested for sexual assault and then his life is pretty much over.
The rules are different here. You don’t play that game. You can’t give a guy a green light and then turn it to red and expect to get away lightly. Latino men will not take that kind of humiliation, they will try and collect their dues. The police will take an unprovoked sexual attack on a woman seriously but if she led him on, gave him the go and then called a halt it is likely she will be told to get out and stop wasting their time.
This time it stopped short of rape, others may not be so lucky and if that is the end result of playing the dangerous game then the victim should not expect a sympathetic response from the police.
What do you think of this situation? Was it a cultural misunderstanding or unacceptable behaviour? Did she get what she deserved? Should the guy have been arrested? Be sure to leave your comments for this post.
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