Is a mail order bride a prostitute selling her body and her relative freedom for a ticket to a wealthier life in the West? Some seem to think so and go as far as claiming that a ‘mail order bride’ as a concept amounts to nothing more that people trafficking.However, those who have availed themselves of the growing number of agencies and websites offering introductions between beautiful women from nations as diverse, culturally speaking as Russia and Thailand, would strongly disagree of course.
Many men cite their main reason for choosing a ‘wife’ in such a way as being because they find women from their own home nations such as the US and the UK unapproachable and too masculine in their drive, ambitions and general attitudes in life. So perhaps Western women are responsible for the increase in the numbers of men seeking their partners and their pleasures elsewhere?
But really, come on, isn’t the concept of a mail order bride all about exploitation: exploitation both of the women and perhaps even the men who ‘purchase’ a partner over the Internet too? After all the women just give themselves - body and soul - in return for a visa, a passport, cash and a one way ticket out of their old life…and the men must surely give up at least their pride and their status amongst friends and colleagues when they’re seen around town with an obviously bought bride on their arm. Or do you strongly disagree and feel that actually it really is more about a meeting of minds in an equal and open arena that no longer exists in the bars and nightclubs of the West?
No matter who you ask about this topic, opinion is always as strong as it is heavily divided. For many of us the concept of buying a bride over the Internet is comical at best, seedy at worst and something we try not to really think too seriously about. After all, who wants to imagine a fat, old, balding and sad American man lusting after a tiny and pretty Filipino girl a third of his age? But having known men who have bought in to the concept – and indeed bought themselves a wife - it is fascinating to learn what they think about the entire process.
Many men see ordering a bride as finding an ideal partner without the risks associated with chatting up strangers and dating women who may turn out to be bunny boilers. They can pick a woman purely based on her looks and how demure and ‘willing to please’ she is, and all they have to do in return really is fork out cash. They will not be challenged financially speaking, they not be answered back to or argued with in their own home, and if they’re really lucky they’ll get an angel for their kitchen and errm – well, a whore for their bedroom.
But can such relationships work? What about the language barrier for a start? And in a marriage built from a contract of paying for and providing a service, can love blossom and can a harmonious partnership prevail? In answer to this question one has to look at the statistics of marriages that last longer than it takes for the woman to either get her passport or her first beating…and surprisingly, some partnerships do work and they do last. Those that survive on a relatively equal footing have the benefit of partners who make an effort on the language and the cultural front, who are interested in more than just the basics of the partnership contract, and who are truly looking to find a partner for life.
So perhaps mail order bride sites and agencies do have a place in the world after all, and they aren’t just about exploitation – it’s just the people who use them that you have to worry about!
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26 comments:
Very funny and to the point. I love it!!
Oh my gosh, are you serious? The language you have used cleary shows your bias in matter.
Why have you described assertive behaviour as masculine? It not as cut and dried as, who is the prostitute and who is taking advantage of who, I think we should not focus so much on the people who are desperate to end their situations i.e. poverty, loneliness but instead on the sites that facilitate these meetings with the minimum amount of support and only seek to maximise their own profit
Using online services is a great way to meet Thai and Filipino women in advance to set up dates and hotel stays in chicks. I have found this very successful and much easier to have a gal waiting for you at the airport on arrival than hitting the bars later. Further, thais make great companions and are not pressuring you for marriage. Filipinas tend to want to get married and may even bring a tribe to your hotel. Again, I have had great stays in Bangkok, Singapore, Hong Kong and Manila using on-line services, and successfully avoided marriage.
Over all Filipino women are not as corrupted as American ladies. There is good and bad regardless of what country they are from. Also age is not as much a factor in Asian cultures in general as in the USA. Let's face it; if you have a billion dollars and your old and ugly in the USA a lot of young beauties will be chasing you for your dollars. The most important aspect in a wife is her morality and you find very little of that in the USA female population. by Patrick Faiola
Why should these women not deserve some benefits from globalization --being to find a good man of their dream from afar? I have made friends with a number of couples in Europe and America who are happily married this way. Let's be fair, kind and understanding of these folks, who are real and who do take marriage and family seriously, and are willing to find their soul mate from another corner of the world. They want to be truly happy and they deserve that.
Meanwhile, shame on anyone who even brags about exploiting a fellow human being in any forms. We are men and women with a civilization, not animals.
Why do these women sign up with mail order bride agencies instead of international online dating services? Women and men are more on equal terms when they use a dating service. Mail order bride sites are more like women catalogs. Don't you think so? Tell me please!
"Let's be fair, kind and understanding of these folks, who are real and who do take marriage and family seriously"
Perhaps being an apologist for mainstream judgemental attitudes isn't the answer. The reality of the situation is that even when people see mixed race couples (Asian-White or Latin-White)on the streets of (fill-in-a-US city), that they judge them on the spot even if they're classmates from the same college. You see, the key here is to not validate those who judge, instead, disregard them and that's the way things change for the better because mainstreams crave being in the *right* or being in the majority, not being sidelined.
Having read the article and the comments, I find there are several kinds of couples involved in these situations.
I left the US because I wanted a place to BE after a messy divorce and secondly because I ahd heard a lot about Brazil. I came here first to meet a lady form an on-line dating service but it didn't work out. I was back in Brazil a couple of months later and met a lady...many years younger, who became my wife only a few months later.
She has developed into a great companion as well as a big help in a foreign country.
I basically stayed in Brazil after meeting my wife and don't really intend to ever go back to North America. So this is the other possibility...that the man could stay in the lady's country with her!
Believe me, it's not a bads option!
Depends how you view it. I stay in Hong Kong and see young girls with foreign men old enough to be their fathers or grand fathers. Reasons are mainly an escape route out of the country and poverty. This is the easy way out and the girls are not only from Hong Kong or China but Phillipines, Indonesia and neighboring countries.
There are genuine cases of inter country relationships but the ratio would be 1:40.
I don't of any man that pops open a catalog and orders the #2 Thai special. Mail Order Bride is a term that should be buried with concrete poured over the gravesite. Myself, I love foreign women becasue I am not "in competition" with them as I am with American/Western women. Foreign women are more feminine and absoltuely love being with a man. I can't say the same for American women. And I have dated alot!! IMHO, American women have forced the well-to-do American man to look elsewhere for long-term companionship. Of course there are women that want a sugar daddy and a better life but who the hell doesn't? Hell, I WANT a sugar-momm and a Porsche and a summer home in Aspen but I'm not gonna get it! I tell you this, the women who are "foreign" gold-diggers are a helluva lot better looking than the American gold-diggers. I'd much rather deal with a foreign-born woman whos as ugly as all get out than an American hottie. Less drama and besides, the foreign girl will introduce me to her friends! MEN, date but do not emasculate!
I think you spent to much time using the word "exploitation". These so-called "mail order brides" make good marriages that last a lifetime. Next time, I hope you will look at the postive side and not use the words "mail order brides" so much. After all, how can they be "mail order brides"? They cannot be shipped by mail. And they certainly aren't bought as you have suggested.
It's too late at night for me to type the lengthy treatise about this topic that I could. I don't even want to list all the reasons why I know so much about the topic, but in fact, I know a GREAT deal about it, and it stems partly from being in a fantastic 16-year relationship, partly due to a great deal of research and reading on the topic, and for other reasons. In extreme summary, I will simply tell you that at least from the standpoint of Russian women, and I suspect all cultures, there is absolutely no such thing as a "mail-order bride." Kill that inaccurate and condescending term wherever you hear or read it. They are usually not poor, usually well-educated, very attracive, marriage and family-oriented, and have loads of men contacting them so are able to be quite selective. Among the large number of American men-Russian women marriages (and one the other way around) that we know well, we have experienced only one divorce. The U.S. Department's statistics state that international marriages are twice as successful as domestic marriages. By whatever means they met, they are only introduced, and the entire relationship develops prtty much the same way all relationships do.
I met a girl on the net, and she gave me an ultimatum. she said either go visit her or she would look for another man. well I met her on the net in 2002 and it was 2008, so what the heck, here goes. I landed in Panama City, Panama and she was beautiful and charming. we took a bus ride to David, Panama where she lived and I stayed with her for 4 months. WOW, what a time we had.
I forgot to mention that I was 63 when I went to meet her, Oh and her well she was younger than me I think she was 52 or 53. I'm happy to say that we both got a long perfect and I have plan to go back, I'm not sure if I want to marry her or anyone yet. but, we slept in different bedrooms,, believe it or not. by the way I'm new here, I'm Larry
All I'll say is this: I'm an American who has been been married to a "mail order bride" for 5 years. A Russian. It took a while to find her and the entire process (immigration, travel, ect) wasn't cheap but it was worth every penny and then some. Until you've been loved by one of these woman you don't know what love means. It's Heaven on Earth. Put simply: dumping American women was easily the best thing I've ever done for my life, health, and happiness.
As an American woman, I find there to be a shortage of good American men. By "good" I mean capable of intelligent conversation about something other than work and sports, not alcoholic, not convinced that owning a house and car is all they need to be "a good catch," not full of self-pity (we all have it rough), not a talk radio anger junkie, possessing a sense of humor, genuinely kindhearted (to everyone not just to women he's trying to impress), not looking for someone who is much younger and/or better looking than he is, and aware that while men and women are different, the man has no God-given right to be a dictator. I think most of the men who seek foreign matchmaking services fall into one of those categories.
As for the women, a little material comfort goes a long way. Did you know that Chinese women think that Japanese men are a prize commodity? There's actually a surplus of men in China, but the average Japanese man is more affluent than the average Chinese man.
Personally, I wish there were a site that matched up American women and Western European men. I find that they are more likely to know how to be masculine without being macho.
My, my, my...such a FAIR piece, LOL.
I choose to go overseas for a WIFE...not a girlfriend, not someone who might one day want to get married after we shack up together and sleep together a thousand times MAYBE...but a wife who wishes to be so and who wishes to have children...said children not being a function of whether or not we can 'afford' them or if 'the time is right.'
I find the Filipino culture (impoverished but laughing all the time it seems) to be one based on familial relationships, not about collecting things as so many Western relationships seem to be. They tend to want LOTS of kids, not just the obligatory few to satisfy a guilty feeling of ought to. Am I to apologize because she is beautiful and younger than I? Whatever, go p!$$ up a rope is all I have to say to those who would say I do wrong.
Are there any good women left in America? Surely. But I choose to go abroad for the simple reason that I do not want a woman who looks like she might even be a cousin 30 times removed from my ex-wife. Like the black fellow in 'The Italian Job' when asked about why he does not like dogs, I 'had a bad experience.' Sigh - no, I am NOT comparing American women to dogs. Many are bright, intelligent, amazing individuals - when they are not caught up in winning EVERY argument even if it means dredging up EVERY thing that ever went wrong in a relationship, that is.
My rejection of American women - that is what it is, no point in dancing - is based on two things. First, a terrible, mind scarring divorce that I would not even wish on my worst enemies, and two, a rejection of American culture with its emphasis on collecting 'things' and its rejection of our founding principles rather than living a good and peaceful life as a free people (and that means freedom from debts to pay for crap we don't need but want just because our neighbors have it.) Truly, I cannot outline all the reasons for rejecting current accepted American norms.
I went over in 2006 and that was a good time and a dead end. I went back to visit in August of this year and had more hand holding, peaceful in-depth conversations, and just simple laughing AFFECTION in three weeks than I did in 14 years of marriage.
I found a measure of peace in her company.
If I am to be critizied for that, then bygod lock and load and criticize away because in this instance I plan to be just as guilty as possible of what my ex used to accuse me of in an on the hour and the half hour basis: NOT LISTENING.
As for the idea of setting up an American Woman and European Man website? Knock yourselves out, I am a rooting for you. I wonder what the stats will be on that after ten years, LOL, and the next time Europe needs rescuing from itself we will sit this one out and let the 'masculine not macho' types handle it.
I cannot decide who angers you more, the men who think it is their job to carry the financial weight of the family or the foreign women who expect us to do so and choose us because we can.
-Tim Singleton, and I put my name to my words
working to live-not living to work; non-drinker, totally disinterested in sports, writer and poet by interest, biochemist by training and interest.
There's no difference between some plumber from Arkansas "buying" a so-called "mail order bride" and some movie producer from California marrying some hot young piece of ass.
Its just that globalization (and the Internet) have brought the price of a trophy wife into an affordable range for the average guy.
I'm 18, (young), attractive, and I own a web design company that is doing very well. In theory, it should be easy for me to find a girl who I get along with in my own country (America) but since I'm incredibly, overwhelmingly shy, it's a lot harder than it sounds. So, I turned to a mail order bride site to find a girl. I think that for many men who go to these sites, the situation they are in is probably just a variation on my own. (different age, job, etc.) So, bravo to the guy above who said "I went overseas to look for a WIFE, not a girlfriend." You have to understand that that's what we're looking for, we're marriage minded men, and only the minority are looking for bedwarmers. Sure, we all hope we'll find some beautiful girl who is great in the sack, but first and foremost we're looking for someone we're going to spend the rest of our lives with. And yes, as a general rule, women from the US are argumentative, immoral and macho. For proof, I give you any american television show that has a woman in it, particularly daytime television and reality T.V. To the feminists, how about changing to 'equalists'? Instead of trying to assert female authority over men, which is incredibly hypocritical, just say that they should be exactly equal in all things? I look forward to seeing how you try to prove that that is unfair. It's wrong to act like men are looking for demure, subservient women who obey their every wish. We just aren't looking for other MEN who are constantly trying to assert themselves as the alpha-male, instead it would be nice to find an EQUAL PARTNER for once.
North American woman are cold,mean,rude,money hungry,they are always sick complaining bitchy,lazy dont do any housework,least all the I ve dated .I say trade 5 to 1 ratio for South American woman.nice ladies,very pleasant to be around .The women in my town depress me foreign ladies looking good
I have browsed the "mail order bride" sites, and decided not to follow through. I have been to a few other countries and became "familiar" with their women and cultures. The only reason I did not pursue a "mail order" is that I found an amarican woman without the aggressive attitude of being owed somthing for nothing. I would probably be with a "mail order", if not for finding a one in a million. I totally agree with searching of foreign women. If the women in america disgust you, more power to you in finding an individual that would make you happy. Most american women hate the idea because of the competion. I am glad to see some serious competition to put the american woman by the foreign ladies.
You must be an idiot
Bought? Who buys a mail order bride? Holy crap. If you are going to write something on the subject I would suggest you actually do your research.
Check your facts. Statsitically speaking, those passport hunting prostitutes and loser men who use them have an 80% success rate in marriage, where the traditional western marriage has a failure rate of over 50% now.
Most men who go that route are looking for a partner, as are the women. The assumption that there is no respect is disgusting.
I would not consider a mail order bride. I just dont condemn those that do.
I once had an interesting experience in Odessa (Ukraine) when I went for a business meeting, and decided to book myself into a "floating hotel." It was a former river cruise ship with cabins comfortably fitted, a bit cramped, but charming.
I was pleasantly surprise by the large number of incredibly beautiful, sharply dressed young women walking around the boat, usually in the company of a much older woman. It took me a little while to figure out that there was a "meet your match" event going on, with local girls and foreign men looking for . . . whatever they were looking for. Somehow, the presence of the girls mothers made the event seem less than tawdry. In fact, life was very hard in Ukraine for most people in the early to mid '90's, and probably still is in many parts of the country.
Others have made the same comment I would make: you will find what you are looking for. Up to you to make your choices.
Females in Ukraine outnumber the Male population by 4 Million,they look after their figures and learn English from a young age.
What`s wrong with them looking to start a Life with a Responsible,self made Male?.
American Women for the last 50 years have wanted to be like men and now they are, I don't want share my life with a man, I'm not gay! I love women. American women so into them selves. Mail order brides at least define the lines the only worry is if the american women try to train the mail order brides to be like american women!
"Mail Order Bride" doesn't exist - it's a fallacy and simply a term drummed up by lazy reporters- much like yourself, I suspect. To bring a woman into this county is no easy task - either on a K-1 Fiance Visa or on a Marriage Visa. It is a pain staking process that takes 7 months as a minimum and in some cases over a year. There are some men who, at the very prospect of finding a woman from another country, whom they believe they could never pursue here in America, do make the horrible mistake of rushing into a serious commitment which ultimately ends up wrong for both parties. Some foreign cities are literally like candy stores. ( Imagine the opportunity to walk up to an incredibly beautiful woman and talk to her and she actually stops and talks back. A gorgeous American woman wants to know your bank account, your car and whether or not you know Bon Jovi before she'll agree to talk with you. It's so bad in Florida that you have girls who are 5's or 6's who have attitudes as if the were Playmates of the month.) However, if you approach the process as you would a normal courtship here in America - you can absolutely find an incredible person to be your spouse for life. Especially if you avoid the temptation to go very young and marry someone who is many years your junior. You need to be practical in this area, if you really think that once you are back in America and living on a day-to-day basis with a woman 20-30 years your junior that you can have a meaningful life, think again. You wouldn't do that here so why would you think you could get away with it with a woman form another country. Think about the future, especially if you have a young, hot pool boy in your employment. Women form foreign countries may have a different culture, may be poor (in some cases) but they are certainly not stupid. They need what every woman needs - love in all its forms, romance, encouragement, edification etc, etc. There are many reasons to consider foreign women but to call them "mail order brides", "money grabbers", "visa stalkers", " whores" or anything else is disgraceful.. Just turn on to any one of the 5 "Real Housewives" programs currently on tv - and you'll know why we men choose to look elsewhere. I'm not some hick from a trailer park in Mississippi - I graduated from the Naval Academy, am a veteran, a business owner, speak 5 languages (3 fluently) and have visited many countries all over the world. I have had an American wife and am currently married to a Colombian. Technology has brought us closer to so many options in terms of meeting interesting, sexy people. Women from other countries want to be women, they're not trying to become men. The respect men and they love their men - boy do they love their men! I think the Beatles knew something we didn't and got it right so many years ago when they "Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the west behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my my my my my my my my my mind"
Look if it was good enough for Paul McCartney and John Lennon, two of the most eligible men in the history of the world, it's good enough for me!
Like so many other 'western' men, I find 'western' women too difficult, complicated, and generally unpleasant. They want to be treated like a women sometimes, like a girl other times, and like a man when it suits them.
The man has to figure out what she wants, when she wants it, and when to stop giving it to her. And if he gets any of it wrong he is on his way to the poor house after she divorces him and cleans him out.
And you wonder why so many men want a bride who hasn't been 'westernized'?
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