Extramarital Expat Activity

Of course, infidelity is not limited to expatriate communities. But in a close expat circle, it seems that dirty laundry is aired with more ease, making it seem at times that cheating is more common among expats than at home. Much research suggests that infidelity is most likely to occur in relationships that are strained or under pressure. Take a relationship with fine cracks to a foreign country where numerous stresses on the individuals and the couple are inevitable, mixed with a possibly more relaxed and open-minded attitude towards sex in the new culture, and you may have a very ripe situation for expat infidelity.

The United States, in general, has adopted a fairly Puritanical view toward extramarital relations. Ninety-nine percent of married people in the United States say that they expect sexual exclusivity of their spouse, and 99 percent report their spouse expects the same of them. And women, more so than men, regard an intense emotional relationship as an unfaithful extramarital involvement, even when there is no physical component. This does not imply that we don´t cheat, though. On the contrary! In fact, the statistics show that we cheat with more frequency than even the French.


Expats can find themselves confronting the idea of infidelity fairly soon after the big move. Many times, one spouse made the move for work-related reasons. So that spouse is flung into an exotic culture, a stimulating work environment with new friends and colleagues, and a possibly lucrative “moving overseas” benefit package. The other spouse may be at home with the kids feeling very isolated, with few friends, raising kids who are possibly bitter and maladjusted. The rift between the two spouses becomes wider and wider, with one experiencing new levels of self-esteem and the other new lows of loneliness and insecurity. Both have their own amplified reasons now for exploring outside the marriage bed.

Expat men living overseas are usually regarded by the locals as having much money and power, making them very attractive to try to snag. Expat women are seen as exotic and foreign. And I can speak from experience, that coming from the states where we are not known worldwide for our sensuality and passion, there is a definite allure and temptation living within the confines of a more relaxed, passionate culture.

Having gorgeous, yummy smelling Latin men looking directly into your eyes calling you “mmmm, mi princesa bella” (and this comes directly after hello, my name is…) can make even the most happily married expat woman think twice.

Many other cultures do not put the expectations of sexual exclusivity on a marriage. La casa chica, or little house, is an established Latin American custom whereby married men maintain a second partner and family. Although polygamy, the custom of taking multiple wives and concubines, is illegal in China, the tradition has made a comeback among businessmen who can afford to maintain a young mistress in her own apartment. In urban Nigeria, for example, two-thirds of men and one-third of women in “monogamous” marriages reported that their most recent sexual encounter was with someone besides their legal spouse (you are not the only one confused on that one!!). In Japan, buying sex does not even count as cheating. And if you are making the move to Russia, be on guard…Russia is now the most adulterous nation in the industrialized world!

If you are married and either moving or living overseas, just have it on your radar that expat infidelity issues may arise. The situations encountered may be enough to make a fragile marriage collapse, or you can try to use the experience and temptations to bring more open communication and closeness between you and your partner.

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