I made a few friends right away who would inform me what was being said about my mom and me – since we were new and nobody really knew us the possibilities were endless. If I spent too much time with one person I was surely sleeping with him or if I didn’t spend enough time with the next person there must be problems between us. Since I ended up going through a divorce early on while here the rumors flew as to why that was happening – basically if anything out of the ordinary was occurring with someone people would just make up a story. A lot of times there would be absolutely no basis whatsoever for what was said and once it was said then it must be true. I recently learned that the gossip around the district was that my mom and I were con artists who came here to target rich single men – wasn’t there a movie with that very same plot? It is absolutely crazy what stories will start to fly around and cliques are quickly formed among the expats based on these rumors.
Owning a bar magnifies the gossip – we will get multiple people coming in telling us the same story, with a different twist, over any given week. It is extremely hard to not get sucked in unless you really isolate yourself from the expat community. It can be very hurtful to hear a rumor which is completely false going around about you but unfortunately that is part of the way of life around here for the expat community. Everyone talks and everyone gets talked about so just remember when contemplating a potential move that gossip is a way of life here and you will have to get used to it to enjoy your life here. Roll with the punches and don’t care what is said about you and your life will be far easier and enjoyable in this little paradise.
By Kristi Rifenbark
for more news and stories from Belize visit http://scottysbarandgrill.com/belizedragonfly
for more news and stories from Belize visit http://scottysbarandgrill.com/belizedragonfly
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Kristi,
ReplyDeleteYour note really hit home. I have lived as an expat. for 12 years. While in Costa Rica, I went through a very, very difficult divorce (a three year process). Before, I knew it, my daughters (who ended up participating in the gossip game) I learned that I had been labeled as a briber of judges, a pedophile, a sexual predator, that my wife had to have an abortion due to an STD....all with real names of doctors, judges etc. attached to the story...for an added effect. It seemed that the epicenter of the gossip was the international school.
My experience was the most painful way to learn about the insatiable appetite that small expat. communities have for gossip and how that can be harnessed by a dedicated ex-spouse. In this case, it was indirectly responsible for our family history being rewritten in the minds of my two daughters and the breakdown of any communication. I wanted to comment on this so that readers know that such gossip is at least as serious and dangerous as you suggested but can go beyond that....to destroying relationships. I have since left the area and cut off all contact from any expat. contacts that I had - difficult medicine to swallow...and more learning than I ever expected......something that took me to the brink of some really dark thoughts.
Wow! What an ordeal to have gone through to to still no doubt be reeling from the effects. How do you ever recover from that. This article does bring to light some ugly realities of close little communities. I have witnessed damaging gossip in smaller towns in the US. But, the stories I have heard from expat areas are much more magnified it seems. Thanks for writing the article Kristi and thanks for the first comment from the gentleman who is enduring the all too real and painful results of such malicious tongue wagging.
ReplyDeleteI noticed all the expats here in Puerto Vallarta, that were hanging out on the beach and playing cards, or some sort of games. I have since discovered this is one of the groups of gossip. I had a friend {I thought}, who always started her comments with "I would not tell anyone but YOU, but~~~~~~~~". I finally realised this was her opening comment to many people!!!! I stay away from this sort of thing, and the people who are involved in it. It is vicious and mean, and can be very harmful. I mostly hang around people now, who are busy enough to avoid this. Vollenteers, business owners, etc, are too busy and too intelligent to partake in such things. Don't worry, there are good people to hang out with, you just need to be selective. I even let them know I am a city girl, and do not particitate in small town gossip.
ReplyDelete