Europe’s Siberian Winter and a Message to the British Prime Minister

By Jamie Douglas

Siberia Moved to Europe for the Season

First off, I apologize to all my loyal readers who may have followed my advice on how to culturally enrich yourself as a nomadic expat in the winter. All of those lovely destinations, museums, opera houses, and low rates I was telling you about are still awaiting your arrival. …Friendly people everywhere, ample parking day and night.

But something happened along the way. The normally bearable winter temperatures of Central and Western Europe have been spoiled by no less than BMW, the Bavarian Motor Works, in an evil plot dreamed up by the meteorological department at Berlin’s Free University along with BMW in Munich. For a fee of £165, payable in advance of course, the mad scientists at the Free University have created a Siberian cold wave and named it ‘Cooper,’ after the formerly British little cute car used by James Bomb not so long ago to save the free world (again). Dog bless Mr. Bomb.

But curses to the evil Bavarian and Berliner climate scientists, who no doubt, while in the pay of the eviler-yet Koch brothers of Wichita, Kansas, wanted to prove once and for all that all this malarkey about so-called global warming was nothing but a giant hoax perpetrated on the people of earth by the alien ruler Xenu to teach humanity that it is cold as hell(?) in Siberia, and with a little reverse engineering, that cold could be spread over the rest of that gigantic Eurasian continent. Check, done.

The low temperatures across Eastern and Western Europe have dropped to never before seen levels and are forecast to drop even lower. And all this so BMW could get the Cooper name on every weather map of the region. What happened to that famous German corporate conscience? So far hundreds of poor citizens of the affected countries have frozen to death!

Some Good Advice for the British Prime Minister

Dear Mr. (Your Excellency /Highness) Prime Minister of the UK,

As I am certain, that you have my blog on your breakfast tray with your tea and toast every morning, you must recall my suggestion of enlisting the rest of the European Union to assist you in retaliating against Argentina’s verbal war of aggression as it relates to your beloved pearls of the South Atlantic, the Falklands, South Georgia, and the South Sandwich Islands.

Having spent most of my 65 years (yes that was MY birthday last Friday, not just Wolfie Mozart’s) traveling the globe in equipment as ancient as the Catalina Flying Boats and as modern as the Boeing 777ER, as well as various assorted Airbus apparatus.  I have even flown non-stop on Air Tahiti Nui (in tremendous comfort) from New York’s JFK to Tahiti – a distance of over 10,000 km.

Now as a long time resident of the Caribbean, I seem to recall that the lovely tropical island of Barbados is still a member of the British Empire, and offers a runway length of 11,000 feet, or over two miles. The distance from London to Barbados is 6771 km, and from Barbados to Port Stanley is another 7180 km. That is a total of 13,951 km, a mere 1274 km farther that flying directly from London to Port Stanley. So considering the deviation one must take into account to fly to that itty bitty runway of just over one mile that is to be built in St. Helena; the cost of freighting the jet fuel there from a very far away fuel dump; and of course the current cost estimates, sure to be overrun, of over £35 million; your government could route thousands of flights via Barbados, and probably still have money left over to improve education and health care in the Falklands.

And who knows, maybe (in all probability) Argentina will have self immolated once again in a mighty economic fireball. I am really a relatively smart guy, or so my wife tells me, and for a few quid I will gladly become an advisor to your Ministry of Defense Logistics Department, as long as you don’t make me move to England. I am available for consultation via email or Skype.

With my highest regards, Mr. Prime Minister,

Jamie Douglas

San Rafael, Mendoza

Where BMW has not changed the climate and we are looking forward to a bountiful harvest of wine making grapes! Cheers!

[image: Going to the Beach in St. Martin]

I encourage you to write to me, jamie@expatdailynews.com with any questions or suggestions you may have. Disclaimer: I am not in any travel related business. My advice is based on my own experiences, and is free of charge. (Donations accepted). It is always my pleasure to act as a beneficial counselor to those who are seekers of the next adventure.

To read more of Jamie’s opinion articles, see Voices From Exile. You can also contact Jamie at jamie.douglas [at] yahoo.com

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